


Star Trek one shots: Winter

by Rainydaysunrise



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: Into Darkness - Fandom
Genre: AU?, Brain Damage, Christmas Fluff, M/M, Post-Star Trek: Into Darkness, Snow, Snowball Fight
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-22
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-08-05 15:27:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16370210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainydaysunrise/pseuds/Rainydaysunrise
Summary: What if Jim hadn't been the same after he was brought back? What if no one expected him to make steps in recovery? What if it was Winter and this is what happened.Series of One Shots. I hope you enjoy.





	1. First Snow

**Author's Note:**

> Really, I just wanted to write some Star Trek Fluff. That's it. And it's been very cold here. So this starts it and everything else. I hope you enjoy and have a great day! 
> 
> Tags will be added as needed, so keep an eye out.

Day one: First Snow Fall:

The snow fell quietly outside of the farmhouse, icicles forming on the overhang of the porch. 

Leonard McCoy stood on the porch, watching his lovely boyfriend spin and laugh happily.

“So tell me, what is a sweet little thing like you doing out in the cold on a night like this?”

James turned to him, eyes bright and nose red. 

“What are you talking about?” 

McCoy’s heart stuttered, blushing. 

“Just come inside, love. It’s warm.” 

"No way. This is great!” 

Leonard turned and smiled, laughing. Jim was wasn’t going to come inside without a fight, snow was snow. 

And Jim loved snow.

He loved Christmas.

He loved being here. 

He loved Jim. 

(The brain can only go without oxygen for so long.) 

There were complications with this, their relationship; but working through the complications was what made them stronger. 

(They said he wouldn’t be the same. And they were right. The eyes were so bright and so… Jim)

The snowball hit him in the side of the head, laughter erupting through the empty field. 

(Jim was here. He was alive. He was stable. He was adjusting.)

It was freezing, but he leaned down and scooped up some snow, chasing the blonde through the trees. 

They said he wouldn’t be the same.

But, strangely, things were better. 

And all the same.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for everything you have had to say about this. It's been nice being able to write on an actual computer again. 
> 
> Notes: 
> 
> This is the flashback and McCoy's thoughts on the hours and days following Khan. 
> 
> If it doesn't make sense, I'm sorry! Thank you all so much again and I hope you have a great day!

Leonard watched as they pulled Jim out of the chamber, his heart breaking as he watched Spock scream.

It was a sound that wasn’t ever going to leave him, a sound that would haunt his nightmares for months to come.

He watched as the one he loved was pronounced dead on arrival.

He watched as he was pulled along behind the gurney that carried Jim away. 

He was the one that pronounced him; that had to sob later on in private once everything was said and done.

Once Khan was finished with his “purpose”. 

Once the evil was locked away.

Once Jim was breathing and had a heartbeat, it was that of a rabbit but enough of one that it made hard to sleep that night.

But no one expected the amount of grief that was to come.

Jim woke and hell broke loose. At first he didn’t know who anyone was or what was going on.

He did not know that he had been a great captain to a crew that still loved him so much. 

He did not know anything. 

So they, they being the team of Doctors and Mccoy as his partner, decided that if Jim wanted to know, then he could. 

But he wasn’t fit for duty and likely would never be. 

So together they faced it, like they had years before. 

Together or not at all.

But things were different, Jim wasn’t the same. He was more… Erratic and easy to startle. A clean slate without the memory loss. 

In retirement together, they faced days and nights and sleepless mornings. 

They faced each other when Jim would go postal for a while, but he always came home to Leonard, because Leonard was his.

And together, in this madness, 

They were home together

And no madness could change that.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim doesn't get much time alone these days. But upstairs is quiet and he needs to write. These are his thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I wrote the lyrics on a whim. Sorry if they’re sappy. Also thank you all for everything and all of the lovely comments. I hope everything is well and you have a good day!

“So tell me what you’re looking for and we’ll find it together, love can only be so strong, but stronger than us. Stronger than we could ever be. I may never know the answers, I may never know the right words to say, but darling, better days. Better days.”  
Jim sat on their bed, notebook open and a frown on his face. He was writing music, or something like that, but he couldn’t get the words right. 

Something was off. 

Something was always off.

After Khan, he hated thinking about it, there were too many… things. Too many thoughts and incoherent lies that were in his head. 

But James Tiberius Kirk wasn’t a quitter.

No…

But he still had bad days were normal seemed like it was such a long way off. 

He knew he still had progress to make, goals to reach, the whole nine yards. He knew that the enterprise wasn’t going to be his ever again. 

And it wasn’t okay.

It made him really sad,

But at the same time,

It was okay.

He was alive, he was breathing. McCoy and everyone else was too. Chekov would live to see a ripe old age. Spock would see children and a family. And he had McCoy, who was downstairs working on god knows what. 

And he had himself. 

Which was more than enough. It was more than… A lot of people. 

He thought of the girl, Carol maybe? That had been on board. He did not remember much other than her hair color and her wit. He never saw her again after. 

He remembered Chris, or most of him. He didn’t remember what happened. 

They said his memories would sort out one day, that his head would be clear.

Jim called bullshit.  
“Okay. Enough. Think, Jim.” He mumbled to himself, rubbing his forehead in frustration.

Silence and empty thoughts for a few moments and he had it.

He had how it went. 

He knew how to end it. 

The song, the one he’d sing when it was ready. 

The one for Leonard. 

The one that pointed to 

Better 

Days. 

-

“So tell me what you’re looking for and we’ll find it together, love can only be so strong, but stronger than us. Stronger than we could ever be. I may never know the answers, I may never know the right words to say, but darling, better days. Better days.”

“Won’t you look me in the eye and stay here? Won’t you pull us together as one would apart, but don’t drift too far. Don’t drift too far. I hate being alone, but with you, there will always be better days. My days with you are better days.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I wanted to write something nice after a nice weekend. I hope you all are doing well. Have a great day, guys! :D
> 
> Also: Lyrics and such by me. I like the idea of Jim having a creative outlet.

“Tell me what you see, Tell me what you want. Whatever ever ever it is, baby, I’ll cross the seven seas for it. I’ll die if I have to, but to be without you would be such a terrible way to die. Leave the air and leave the seas and leave the messes and inbetweens. Stay here, stay now, stay together or meet me around. 

Don’t lose hope because I’m not there. Do not fear because I am scared.

I love you, my darling. I love you right now. I love you forever, and that’s a promise. Make it real, real as this song. Stay with me, love with me, be with me. I love you.” 

x

 

Leonard McCoy smiled as he read the words over and over again, the love in the words rang out true.

Technically, he wasn’t supposed to be in Jim’s office, it was an unspoken agreement between the two of them. Each had their own space, a proper part of a relationship. 

But he had been looking for the younger man and had yet to find him. Finding this on open on the desk instead. 

Yes, he’d tell him he had read it, that it had caught his eye and apologize. But he’d also tell Jim that it was the most beautiful thing he’d ever read.

He noted smaller details.

How Jim’s handwriting was getting better.

How the lines on the paper were only slightly crossed now. 

How the spelling was getting to be perfect again.

 

All signs of change and healing.

 

And McCoy loved it. 

He loved seeing Jim thrive and do and be. It made him the happiest man on earth. 

But progress was still to be made and neither of them could be sure of tomorrow. 

But Leonard McCoy knew, and dammit it all if he didn’t sound like a hallmark card, that James Tiberius Kirk was his tomorrow.

And the only tomorrow that mattered.


	5. Sleepless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim wakes from a nightmare and spends some time alone, cup of coffee in hand, and contemplates how everything has changed for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: ANGST IF YOU SQUINT. 
> 
> Thank you all for the lovely feedback on this! I hope you all have a lovely day!

Jim was awake.

Wide awake.

It was two oclock in the morning

And he was awake.

McCoy was asleep next to him, the man’s quiet snores filling the room next to Jim’s almost frantic breathing. 

He tried to be quiet as he crept out of bed and down the stairs to the kitchen.

He tried to be quiet as he emptied the coffee pot, refilled it, and let it run. 

The noise was nice. 

Drip.

Drip.

Dripping.

It gave him something to focus on besides his rushing and running head.

He wanted to wake up Bones, to talk to him.

But these days all he felt was guilt when he went to wake him. 

The older man barely slept as it was.

And the stress of all that had happened did not help.

So yeah, guilt. 

Kirk took a deep breath and poured himself a cup once the machine had finished and doctored it to his liking. 

Cream and 6 splenda sweeteners.

It would keep him up, but give him time to think.

He had dreamt about Khan. 

The malice in his eyes. 

The hatred that filled every single word he had spoke.

He taunted Jim.

About how he had gotten off scott free, where as Jim was doomed to a lifetime of nightmares and brain damage. 

It made him angry. 

He could only remember the small details. 

Small things. 

That was what ruled his life now. 

Only the fucking small things.

“Small victories” They called them. 

Being able to walk correctly. 

Being able to dress and be and sing and laugh and understand. 

Small victories but one’s that he needed to get to.

He took a large gulp of his drink, noting how the temperature had changed and briefly wondering how much time had passed. 

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick. 

He shook his head, no longer stuck on the passage of time. If he let himself, he’d be stuck there all night. 

Listening to the clock tick. 

Over and over again. 

And it upset him more. 

Just because his brain was fucked up for the rest of his life, didn't mean he still didn't get angry at the fact that he was doomed to this. 

No, not doomed.

He still had the important things.

McCoy, Spock, and his small but cozy home.

But it made him think of everything that he had lost as well.

His ship.

His role as Captain James T. Kirk of… His ship.

The name momentarily escaping him.

Enterprise. That was it. 

And most of all, he missed the way people would look at him as if he were a person. Doctors would talk to him, not McCoy.

And McCoy knew it made him upset, so he tried to steer the conversation back to him.

But it didn’t help.

“Shut the fuck up, Jim.” He mumbled to himself, taking another sip and tightening his grip on the mug. 

Really, he shouldn’t be this angry but when you had dealt with being poked and prodded and brought back from the most painful death you can imagine.

You would have moments where you were angry too. 

And sometimes, you had to let those moments happen.

It was only healthy, right? 

Or at least that's what they had told him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No one expected it to last this long... Or for it to end this soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Stand alone but paired with the series. None of these are in order! I'll resurrect him for more winter fun soon!)
> 
> A/N: I'm sorry that this is sad! It's just a one shot in a series of oneshots! New trigger warnings added and sad stuff ahead!
> 
> Warning: Death. Sorry. Really sorry. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! <3 I hope you have a great day and thank you!

Jim had been sleeping too much.

That much should have been a warning sign to McCoy.

A big flashing red sign that everything, or even just one thing, was wrong. 

Jim had been achy, and tired, and spaced out.

He had told McCoy that he had just overdone himself.

No one had thought anything of it. 

No one stopped to think that hell was coming. 

Everyone had known from the start that Jim's fix was temporary. 

But no one had wanted to believe that things would come crashing down. 

At least not this fast.

Never this fast.

And they understood, a bandaid was a bandaid. It didn't cure, it just covered the damage.

McCoy was here now, sitting alone in the hospital waiting room with shaking hands that demanded a drink.

Even just one.

Fuck that, Leonard. 

Jim wouldn't like it. He didn't understand why Bones drank. 

But he knew that Jim understood a lot more than people gave him credit for.

(((Motionless)))

He looked up at the sound of the sliding door opening, Spock and Uhura were walking towards him with their hands clasped together. 

Holding onto each other.

Holding on for dear life.

They saw him and froze. 

They knew.

Bones knew. 

He was a doctor, dammit, and Jim should have lived.

Jim should have lived a happy life with McCoy, but instead was gone as far as time and space could take him.

He was out in space, no rabbit's heartbeat.

(((Found on the bathroom floor)))

"I don't know." 

McCoy's own voice surprised him. It sounded hollow, almost empty. 

His throat was raw from tears and screaming. 

His ears rang from the ambulance sirens. 

But in all of this, he just shook his head. 

Jim was gone.

Flying high. 

Flying far. 

Flying and finally headed to better days beyond. 

/

“Won’t you look me in the eye and stay here? Won’t you pull us together as one would apart, but don’t drift too far. Don’t drift too far. I hate being alone, but with you, there will always be better days. My days with you are better days.”


End file.
